Sometimes, life just hurts. You wake up, and the weight of the world feels heavy on your chest before your feet even touch the floor. You might look around and wonder how everyone else seems to be managing fine while you feel like you are wading through quicksand. If you have found yourself asking, “Why is life so hard right now?” please know that you are not asking a foolish question. You are asking a human one.
It is easy to assume that if we just work harder, think more positively, or organize our schedules better, the difficulty will fade. But when health issues, chronic pain, professional burnout, and the sheer noise of modern life collide, “trying harder” often leads to exhaustion rather than relief.
I am Dr. Matthew G. Mandelbaum, a licensed psychologist. In my work with highly sensitive, intelligent individuals—professionals, students, and parents—I often sit with people in their darkest moments. We explore these exact feelings. My goal isn’t to offer a quick fix, because life’s complexities rarely have simple solutions. Instead, I want to offer a deeper understanding of what you are experiencing and help you find a path forward that honors your reality.
Why Is Life So Hard? A Mental Health Perspective
The question “why is life so hard” isn’t just philosophical; it’s physiological. When we face prolonged periods of difficulty, our bodies and minds shift into survival mode. We aren’t designed to be under constant siege, yet that is exactly what chronic illness, unmanaged stress, or emotional trauma can feel like.
From a mental health perspective, when your nervous system is stuck in a state of high alert—fight, flight, or freeze—even small tasks feel insurmountable. The dishwasher needing to be unloaded isn’t just a chore; it becomes another demand on an already overdrawn energy bank. This isn’t a character flaw. It is a biological response to overload.
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Struggle is often a signal. It’s your mind and body telling you that the current load is too heavy to carry without support. Recognizing this signal is the first step toward compassion, rather than judgment.
When Life Feels Overwhelming in Modern Life
We live in an era of unprecedented convenience, yet for many, life feels overwhelming. The modern complexity of our world means we are constantly plugged in, constantly available, and constantly measuring ourselves against curated versions of other people’s success.
You might be meeting all your basic needs—food, shelter, employment—and yet feel a profound sense of emptiness or fatigue. This is a common paradox I see in my practice. High-achieving professionals often tell me they feel they have “no right” to complain because on paper, their life looks successful. But emotional weight doesn’t care about your résumé.
Pressure to “function” at a high level while internally crumbling creates a dissonance that is exhausting to maintain. You are doing your best efforts, but the finish line keeps moving. If life feels overwhelming even though you are checking all the boxes, it’s not because you aren’t doing enough. It’s often because you are doing too much, for too long, without the right kind of restoration.
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Health Issues and the Emotional Weight They Carry
When we add physical pain or chronic illness to the mix, the burden multiplies. Health issues are rarely just physical; they are deeply emotional events. Whether you are navigating a new diagnosis, managing chronic pain, or dealing with medical trauma, your sense of safety in your own body is compromised.
It is completely normal to feel grief, anger, and fear when your health changes. You are navigating a new reality that you didn’t ask for. The body and mind are not separate entities; when one suffers, the other echoes that pain.
If you are living with chronic illness, you are fighting a battle on two fronts: the physical symptoms and the mental exhaustion of managing them. It makes sense that you would need extra support during these hardest moments. Validating the emotional toll of physical pain is crucial. You aren’t just “hurting”; you are grieving the energy and ease you used to have.
Common Reasons Life Feels Harder Than It Should
Sometimes it helps to name the specific heavyweights in the room. If you feel like you are struggling more than usual, consider these common reasons:
- Chronic Stress and Burnout: This isn’t just being tired. It is a state where your emotional resources are completely depleted.
- Ongoing Health Concerns: Pain wears you down. It requires constant, low-level energy just to exist in a body that hurts.
- Loss of Control: Uncertainty about the future—whether career, health, or relationships—creates deep anxiety.
- The Caretaker’s Burden: Feeling responsible for the well-being of loved ones while you are struggling internally can feel impossible.
- Isolation: A lack of strong support systems makes every challenge heavier.
When these factors overlap, life feels hard, not because you are weak, but because the load is objectively heavy.
Life’s Challenges and the Myth of “Supposed To”
One of the most damaging phrases in our internal dialogue is “supposed to.”
- “I’m supposed to be over this by now.”
- “I’m supposed to be able to handle this stress.”
- “Life is supposed to be easier at my age.”
These expectations about life’s challenges create shame. When progress feels slow, we often default to self-criticism. We assume we are failing. But healing and coping are rarely linear.
We need to replace self-criticism with self-compassion. If a friend came to you with your specific set of burdens—illness, stress, grief—would you tell them to “toughen up”? Or would you offer them a seat and a glass of water? You deserve that same kindness. Letting go of where you are “supposed to” be allows you to honestly assess where you are, which is the only place from which we can move forward.
Life Is Hard, But You Are Not Broken
I want to be very clear: Life is hard, but that does not mean you are broken.
Struggle is not a symptom of defectiveness. It is often a symptom of being a sensitive human being in a difficult environment. Resilience isn’t about never falling down; it’s about how we support ourselves when we do.
It takes immense courage to keep going during difficult times. Waking up and facing the day when you are in pain or anxious is an act of bravery. We often overlook this quiet courage. We think bravery looks like conquering mountains, but often, it looks like making a cup of tea and deciding to stay present for one more hour.
Practical Strategies for When Life Feels Hard
When everything feels like too much, we don’t need grand overhauls. We need small, manageable anchors. Here are some practical strategies for when life feels hard:
- Prioritize the Nervous System: Before trying to solve big problems, soothe your body. This might mean deep breathing, a warm shower, or simply lying down in a quiet room for ten minutes. You cannot think your way out of a stress response; you have to feel your way out.
- Establish Small Wins: When big goals feel impossible, shrink the target. Did you brush your teeth? Did you send that one email? These are victories. Allow these small wins to matter.
- Emotional Regulation Skills: Learn to label your emotions. Saying “I am feeling overwhelmed and sad right now” is different from saying “I am a mess.” The first is a passing state; the second is a permanent label.
- Know When to Ask for Help: You do not have to be the hero of your own suffering. Asking for support is a strategy, not a surrender.
The Role of Therapy During Difficult Times
This is where mental health support becomes vital. Therapy isn’t just for when you are in crisis; it is a tool for building the life you want, even amidst challenges.
In my practice, I utilize Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and trauma-informed care. These aren’t just buzzwords; they are frameworks that help you understand why you feel the way you do and give you concrete skills to manage it.
Therapy provides a space to talk honestly without the need to “fix” everything immediately. It’s a place where you don’t have to protect anyone else’s feelings. You can unload the weight, examine it, and decide how to carry it differently. We work on emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and identifying what truly matters to you (your values) so you can make choices that align with the life you want to lead.
Moving Forward Without Forcing Positivity
We often hear that we should “look on the bright side.” But toxic positivity can feel invalidating when you are in pain. I encourage moving forward without forcing fake happiness.
Hope doesn’t have to be loud and ecstatic. It can be steady and quiet. It can look like imagining a future where life feels easier, even just by a fraction. It involves finding meaning in the struggle—not because the struggle is “good,” but because you are growing through it.
You can transform past struggles into wisdom and strength. It doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t happen without effort, but it is entirely possible.
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You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone
If you take nothing else from this post, please take this: Your pain is valid. Your exhaustion is real. And you do not have to carry this alone.
If life feels impossible right now, reach out. Whether it is to a trusted friend, a family member, or a mental health professional like myself, sharing the burden is the first step toward lightening it.
You are worthy of support. You are worthy of a life that feels meaningful and fulfilling, even with the challenges you face. If you are ready to explore how therapy can help you navigate this season, I invite you to connect with Groundbreaker Therapy. Let’s work together to create a path toward clarity and resilience.
Dr. Matthew G. Mandelbaum, PhD, MSEd, MA, is a Licensed Psychologist and the founder of Groundbreaker Therapy. He specializes in helping highly sensitive, intelligent individuals navigate life’s complexities using DBT and trauma-informed care.